The Price of Giving Too Mucho
15 Friday Apr 2016
Written by Michelle in Living your Purpose, Thoughts on everything
Tags
Depleting Resources, Giving Too Much, honoring yourself, Learning to Say NO, Making Time for Yourself
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(Since I’m on an undisclosed beach in Mexico, filling my own cup, (and draining the occasional shot glass) I thought you might like to read this again…or even for the first time, because I’ll bet you’ve been here, too – not the beach, but the place where you’ve given too mucho)
My cup is almost empty. There’s no more wind in my sails. I can only 
think in trite clichés.
I’ve given pretty much all of it away.
I’d like to think I’m a bottomless-well, serving buckets of goodwill, assistance and cheer to everyone I meet – but it’s a negligent practice that can lead to a parched throat and scowling countenance. Ooops, there goes the cheer.
I’m not that generous. At least not now.
I offer a lot of assistance – I know that about myself. I will generously promote you, tirelessly applaud you, praise you, share with you, give of my time. Don’t feel sorry for me –
Human beings do not repeat behaviours that don’t have a pay-off in it for them. (click to Tweet).
This includes addictions, self-mutilations, giving your time to others, plain ol’ over-committing – there’s always a pay-off. That doesn’t mean it’s psychologically healthy or respects boundaries….even our own. It certainly doesn’t mean it’ll get you where you want to go. It’s like spending time on social media or Netflix marathons. It feels good now…but what did you give for that? Eventually, you’ve got to say, Enough is enough.”
A few things happen when you give too much. Here’s my short list:
- You may become resentful
- You may set precedents for future behaviour that can turn to soul-sucking habits and expectations
- Your own dreams and goals may suffer because you cannot devote ample time to them
- You may under-deliver or do sloppy work because…well…eventually your hearts just not that into it – eventually that can reflect on you.
And…drum-roll….. - “When you give too much – you redefine who you are and lose who you were going to become.” (click to Tweet)
So, there are some of the hidden costs, and I’m sure I’ve graciously over-looked many others. Feel free to add to the list (by leaving a comment at the end of the blog).
All being said, I don’t REALLY want to give until I’m an empty, squeaky, rusty ol’ husk that’s grinding to a halt on a dusty, deserted back road. Too dramatic for you? Ah, well. SO, I’m brainstorming ways to get a handle on this and I come across this:
What a clean solution. What a smart criteria. Enough of the unconditional love, bullshit. I’m putting parameters on my generosity. I don’t mean this in the sense of the “what’s in it for me?” approach, but more like, helping friends; knowing who your friends are. Why would you give away something to someone who won’t appreciate it, never reciprocate and would gladly take MORE? Enough is enough.
If I can follow my own advice, continue to focus on gratitude, and honor my own schedule by calendaring time to address #’s 3, 4, and 5…it should be in the bag.
Feel free to jump in on this conversation by leaving your thoughts below.
If it doesn’t put you out to do so.
Michelle Andres is a writer and artist who cultivates her own Well Lived Life by drinking in the beauty around 
her, following her passion, respecting others and doing her best to own her own dookie.
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10 Comments
April 15, 2016 at 1:54 pm
interesting – perhaps you are like me – an extremist ?
I was thinking just yesterday about the word psychological – and I think that it may have been gotten wrong by the folks you first used the term – perhaps it is not psycho logical that we are often dealing with but very often psycho illogical that we are faced with dealing with –
to explain what I mean – if we use your example of giving I am sure that people such as yourself – giving from the bottom of your heart – is encouraged by the general concept going around on social media recently of a person giving value in order to receive something back and that may be all well and good – but if I hear that terminology utilized one more time in a discussion somewhere where someone is expounding on the value that they are giving me and that being the reason I should jump at the chance to take their course or join their seminar I am sure that I may want to simply click them out of my life altogether – why?
it is very simple – yes they may be out of the own generosity and heartfelt emotions be giving of their knowledge and time and by utilizing the tools on social media – be thinking that they are doing the same for tons – be it tens or hundreds or thousands of people – but that may not be exactly the case or results of their efforts – since if you or anyone reading this has been in the real world for long enough you might have come across the real fact that no matter what you in your heart set out to do for any individual – the reality is that they may not want what it is you are offering them or going out of your way to give them and if that be the case – then very often they are also annoyed at or even resentful (at least some of the times) when you are going out of your way to do your good deed –
so in essence it makes a lot of sense to pretty much (in this very diverse and multi personalitied world to keep things to yourself – of course to make an offer and somehow do your best to place that offer where some of the people on this planet will actually get to see that your offer exists and then simply allow these people who have discovered your offer to choose when and if they are actually interested in takin you up on your offer and then for the most part after that – if you have done your best and have given at least a handful of those folks something that they themselves value *(because they see it and not because you proclaimed that you have given them value) then pretty much the rest will be left up to something called word of mouth or in other words – one person that received the benefits of your service or products telling another person and so on until little by little your business grows over time –
I hope this makes sense – and if not well – then perhaps someone else’s experience will resonate with you – but just as any other person who shares with you or anyone else on this planet for that matter – what has worked for them – I can only share with you the (in my mind) wisdom that I have accumulated over the years – and as tempting as it is to think that this new and improved way of doing things because of this or that new social media that has been invented yesterday – today or tomorrow – humans are pretty much all the same and remain pretty constant in the way that they react to things whether we label their behaviors psych logical or because some of what they do not making sense to our own thinking – psycho illogical – and so there you have my take on this subject at least what I thought that your article was dealing with 🙂
oh as far as a pay off for anyone – that is always a momentary perception as to whether or not a person sees the value or pay off in anything – (does that make any sense at all?)
April 15, 2016 at 5:05 pm
Your thoughts are interesting, Walter, and I can see you have taken great care to be introspective about what giving too much means to you. I am sure those courses and seminars that give people “value” have had an impact on your perception. As you will notice – I have no product to sell. I’m a writer and artist. I hope my posts continue to be enjoyable for you. I figure people will take what they need and leave the rest. Thank you for sharing. ~m
April 15, 2016 at 9:00 pm
Good to see you are taking your own advice and filling your own cup. We all need to do that. Enjoy the beach. Planning my own getaway soon.
April 15, 2016 at 10:55 pm
You go, Susan! Fill up and enjoy every minute. It’s been a wonderful week for me!!!
April 15, 2016 at 11:31 pm
Sometimes I think we live a parallel existence M – your posts so often resonate with me! (You definitely get to enjoy more deep-fried pickle pleasure than I do tho…and where’s this mysterious beach? Maybe you need a friend to tequila tip with?) — (hope that preposition didn’t play havoc with your writer’s proprieties)
I have been on a mucho giving spree lately – but it’s temporary. I know the importance of rest, retrospection, and rejuvenation to help in regaining my puddle jumping skills. And when all else fails – I wear flip flops!
April 17, 2016 at 1:31 am
Val…. 🙂 You just make me smile. Thanks for giving me a frame of reference. Sometimes, I find myself asking…WWVD?
Love you!
April 19, 2016 at 4:09 am
Going through this right now. Afraid my work will not turn out as nice as I had hoped because I feel someone is taking advantage of my talent. Not enough minutes in the day. Hard to stand up for myself.
You have been so gracious to me in the past, helping me get through some rough personal times. I just want you to know it is appreciated.
April 19, 2016 at 4:33 am
Oh, Jennifer! Thank you for your kind words. Stand your ground, gurl! No one should take advantage of you. Read some of the posts about setting boundaries (you can put it in the search bar). You’re stronger than you think…you’ve got this one! ~m
April 30, 2016 at 4:27 pm
Yes you know it resonates with me too, as I had been giving till drained and resentment is the name of what I felt.It got me really unbalanced. Unconditional love is for those holy beings inhabiting heaven if its somewhere, I think. Here on terra firma, keeping balance and setting boundaries is beneficial to everybody.
And thats loving.
I find your words very encouraging and working my way back to health and happiness.Thank you
May 11, 2016 at 3:02 pm
Thank you for sharing your experience, Teresa. I hope you find balance and health and are able to enjoy them for a very long while. 🙂 ~m