Gardening Tools – Tending Healthy Friendships
01 Friday Jul 2016
Written by Michelle in Better Behaviour, Living your Purpose, Thoughts on everything
Tend your healthy Friendships – like flowers – and enjoy their blooms.
Earlier this week, I read someone’s thoughts about how we sometimes defend other people, claiming, “Deep down they’re a nice person.” We all have or have had these people in our lives, who we felt needed our protection. I’ve previously referred to them as “Weed Farmers.” While other people doubt such a person’s capacity for caring or sensitivity, we, as their faithful friend, family member or spouse, step in and exclaim, “Deep-down he/she is a good person.” This begs the question the writer asked:
How DEEP down?
How far down are you willing to excavate to find the “possible goodness” in another person? Of course, the answer is highly personal. It varies from person to person and situation to situation. I’m a firm believer in tending your relationships, like a garden, with loving care. I am also a firm believer that excavation, if it’s to be done at all, can be left to heavy equipment operators. If someone is over-fertilizing my garden – I’m just not that interested.[Tweet “I don’t want to dig through all your dirt to see if you’ve got an actual soul. #artoflife”]
This is a liberating point of view for me. It came with maturity, as I gained more patience for the little things that make a big difference and completely lost patience with manipulative, stupid crap and vapid complaints, victim mentality, ulterior motives or unyielding points of views. It may sound like I’m a little bit cranky, but I prefer to label it:
“Discerning.”
I don’t need to figure out how “deep down” a person is nice. Often, if you take that road, you get bite marks on your back as you patiently wait for them to show their colours. Hey, they showed you their colours to start with! Trust your gut.
If I can’t see the nice on the surface, you’re probably not for me. I know people have been hurt, damaged, scarred – we all have been. Get over yourselves and just BE NICE people. Not nice? Move along…next!
Gardening Tools:
Care about your fellow man. Quit getting so hung up on your silly, political causes 
and flag carrying activist bullshit that you forget how to respect a fellow human being. Put down taking up sides. (click to Tweet) Political correctness be damned. I suggest we all move forward with the best intentions and reserve a little room for our brother’s (or sister’s) “errors.” We’re all a little misled, and certainly no one is perfect – thank God. All that mess we get caught up in… life is just too short. If you are unfortunate enough to end up covered in mess, dig your own way out – don’t expect other’s to do it for you.
So, if you find yourself entangled with a Weed Farmer, do yourself a favour and till the soil to set them free. Weeds choke the life out of the beautiful plants. Instead, use your time to plant the seeds of gratitude, joy and love. Some people are daisies and some are noxious chemicals. You deserve to be surrounded with good blooms. (click to Tweet)
Nip it in the Bud,
Michelle Andres is a writer and artist. She writes this blog to share 
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13 Comments
May 17, 2015 at 11:32 pm
Good points Michelle. I’ve come to believe that large doses of loving-kindness and healthy boundaries keep my world filled with right-fit friends.
May 18, 2015 at 5:04 am
Thanks, Deborah. I’m glad you have found a way to keep your garden beautiful! ~m
May 18, 2015 at 6:57 pm
I do see your point Michelle. I’ve spent who knows how many hours of my life finding myself trying to figure someone out, weeding, I suppose. I’ve learned that as my confidence in my own path calms me, those kind have either quieted or disappeared. If I do find them in front of me, I remember that I too had a period of my life where I walked in complaint and saw only weeds. And what I learned all the way back there, works even better now… We can only lead by example. Thank you for venting. We all get frustrated with silliness.
May 20, 2015 at 4:40 am
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Kimberly. It’s one thing to be frustrated with people who are going through a tough transition, and another to tolerate people who are toxic. It’s good to be able to differentiate between the two. Be well! ~m
May 19, 2015 at 1:11 pm
interesting metaphor. As I’ve grown, I too have done some weeding. I think we all have people like you described in our lives to keep us remembering there is a better way.. I end up with forgiveness in my heart for myself and them. I wish them well on their journey. And I get busy with my life as I’d like to see it.
May 20, 2015 at 4:44 am
What a great way to handle ’em, Kelli! It’s a good thing to move on and not carry the with you. Bless and release.
May 19, 2015 at 2:39 pm
A great analogy. Sometimes we do stretch too far. I’ve stopped doing that, and I’m currently ‘weeding’ on a regular basis.
May 20, 2015 at 4:44 am
Good for you, Linda!!!
May 20, 2015 at 4:33 am
I really enjoyed reading this and how you described this similar to a garden. Most interesting questions of how much to put up with and how to always start with some tender loving care first. LOVED this post!
May 20, 2015 at 4:45 am
Thanks, Elda. The best to you!!!
May 21, 2015 at 9:26 pm
I believe that everyone is fighting battles that we cannot see, and that everyone, in some capacity, is deserving of compassion. But that doesn’t mean that they’re welcome in my life. I have freely ousted people and situations who could not respect my boundaries. Compassion with boundaries. Boundaries with compassion. They go together better than peanut butter and chocolate. It’s a lot easier for me to experience compassion when my own needs are met, and boundaries are respected.
May 21, 2015 at 10:57 pm
Very well said, Harmony! Thanks for making it simple…and healthy! ~m