They plant seeds of doubt in the fertile manure of your brain, and then carelessly leave them to germinate and grow weeds in your happy little garden.
I don’t like that. I hope I don’t trip up and plant the occasional weed, because it’s noxious.
Sometimes the evil seeds they plant are composted…er…composed entirely from their own faulty thinking or assumptions. Sometimes, it’s a thorny opinion that cuts and stings. Some weed farmers do it on PURPOSE. Yep, for some reason, they plant their dirty little seeds and even spritz a bit of water as they take leave. They want you to feel bad about yourself, your actions, your work…whatever. I’ve written about “Fear Biters” before, but the malicious Weed Farmer is different, because they catch you unaware. They are cultivating doubt like Monsanto genetically modified corn. Rude, mean and evil.
I’ve spent a fair portion of my life learning weed control. My “Fair Weather Thinking” series focuses entirely on the work we do between our ears. I teach other people how to weed. I’m a weed whacker… (click to Tweet)
But, no one is immune.
Last week someone laid down a seed of doubt and I promptly picked it up, pushed it into the muddy recess of my mind and tossed in a little fertilizer for good measure. I used my precious, “could be positive energy” to tend it. I’m still tending it, because here I am – writing about it. All solid evidence dispelled their view as a faulty logic. But, because they strummed a chord of insecurity, I have strapped on that seed bag and fertilized the shit out of it. Shame. On. Me. You’d think I could practice what I preach.
So many people come from backgrounds where this type of gardening is prevalent. They may not even recognize it, they’ve become so accustom to hearing it – and they unwittingly grow the crop for the weed farmer. People in unhealthy relationship forget the weeds aren’t flowers. Honey, look at the bouquet I brought you. Bahhh! Why do we let it continue?
Because, the deep rototilling that must take place to tend a healthy garden is laden with sweat and it painful turf. Here are a few ways to control the thorns and thistles:
1. Eliminate weed farmers from your life – Just tell them to take their seeds and leave. It’s tough to send them packing. Sometimes they are family, spouses or long time friends. Here’s the hard truth – if someone is continually sabotaging your self worth, you owe it to yourself to get them under control. If they do this intentionally, there shouldn’t even be a question. Evict the share-cropper.
2. Confront the farmer – This is uncomfortable. Most likely you’re addressing, and revealing a deep seated doubt or insecurity you have. That puts you in a vulnerable position with someone you’re not sure you can trust. Secondly, you have to have the courage to ask, “Tell me more…I’m not sure what you meant by that.” If the weed farmer is of the malicious variety, they can simply lie, and you know this when you start, so it’s difficult. Often, at this point, you need to stand up for yourself and communicate a boundary to them. That can be difficult, but it’s worth it for relationships you value. That’s why it’s best to observe #1. You won’t have to practice #2 nearly as often.
3. Fill your life with flowers – Everyone knows a healthy turf will choke out the weeds. It’s best to replace these weed farmers with people who propagate roses and daisies and such. Life CAN be a bed of those…but you have to be a diligent gardener…and sometimes even a master gardener can get fooled and have an occasional weed growing though the cracks. Just pluck it.
4. Don’t water weed seeds – This, for me, is the toughest of all. Although my weed farmer’s “seed” defied all logic, I still, days later, entertain it. I am weak and tender. The fact I can’t control my own thinking around this is indicative of the growth I have to do. Here’s where I can practice what I preach.
So, rather than letting some hillbilly, gapped-tooth, drooling, weed-planting share-cropper spoil the soil in the garden in your mind, follow these steps…and put this on your mirror.
You might even picture them hillbillies to disarm your unconscious that may still clamoring to nurture the relationship. Anyhou, we are all in this together…and my dear flowers…I thank you for your sweetness.
Michelle Andres is a writer, artist and coach who nudges, nay, shoves, her clients in the direction of their dreams, helping them to overcome non-productive behaviours and enjoy more success in their lives. Available to you for a little hand holding or a good ass-kicking.
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