Michelle Andres Writes ~ Hopelessly deep thinker, frighteningly keen observer, discerning feeler and Jesus-loving, imperfect human storyteller … at your service.

I like to be helpful. I like to be liked. Poor, short-sighted me.

I have to finish up some work for an early November art show. This requires my immediate attention, but I’m playing fisticuffs with my own advice on time management and setting healthy boundaries. I’m saying “YES” way too much. (click to Tweet)

• Yes to the friend who needs something.
• Yes to the invitation.
• Yes to a family member’s request.
• Yes to the meeting.
• Yes to the favour.
• Yes, yes, yes, yes.

       NO!

Eventually, I become someone who is neither helpful nor likable. I become a classic, cantankerous, b*!ch who seems crazed and unreasonable, all because I said too many yeses. My helpfulness really doesn’t help anyone. It makes those I did the favours for feel guilty and horrible because I didn’t properly set my boundaries. It makes me not like me. I should be ashamed! Gulp….guilt.

The problem is not that others disrespected me. Au, contraire! I disrespected myself. It was more important to me to help someone else and get that pat on the head of recognition or tablespoon of gratitude, than to take care of my own business. I made my own numbnut choices.

There’s a lot of talk these days about saying YES! Yes can enrich our lives and help us push our comfort zone, especially when we say it to things that are scary or a personal stretch. That’s fine, but let’s not forget to say “Yes” to ourselves in the sense of gifting our time, too. If we don’t spend our time delivering our own package, others will ask us to spend our time to deliver theirs. (click to Tweet)

And consider this – what would you think of me if I made a commitment to a friend, then later “changed my mind” and told them “no” because I’d decided to help someone else, instead? Would I really do that? Never…well, except to myself. Too many yeses? Me thinks it could breed resentment.

So, remember, you are as important as anyone else. Make your choices and take your commitments seriously. I am…now.

If you need something, you can ask someone else, or wait until I’m available…I would be happy to help you later, 

Michelle Andres is a writer, artist and coach who nudges, nay, shoves, her clients in the direction of their dreams, helping them to overcome non-productive behaviours and enjoy more success in their lives.

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