27 Friday May 2016
It hasn’t happened in a while and doesn’t happen often, but the other day, I came unraveled I’m a frayed.
I like to think I can steer my own ship, but I was taking on water, so put out an SOS to a friend. Friends are wonderful for such things, but make sure you have a level-headed confidante, not one that is a little dinghy….so sorry, I couldn’t help it.
I guess I should define unravelment for you, since it’s apparently a new word; as a matter of fact, I just created it. Wouldn’t it be cool if Merriam- Webster put it in the book for 2017? Write to them!
Un-rav-el-ment – (v.) – The act of coming unhinged by emotionally reacting to things that could be true or could happen. The awfulizing, ruminating, and visceral reaction of things fabricated in one’s mind without factual proof of existence.
Do you know this state of being? I’m going out on a limb here and guessing we’ve all done it and I’m not alone and bat-shit crazy.
The unravelment got me thinking –
Why sometimes when things are in complete chaos, do we clip along in fine form and why when things are in fine form do we come unraveled? (click to Tweet)
Here’s a look at our problem behaviour:
- We tell ourselves stories that may or may not be true in an effort to make our world make sense to us.
- In a delicate state we are insecure and believe other people are thinking the worst of us.
- We harshly judge situations and people to protect ourselves from being hurt and exacerbate the situation.
- We become anxious with ambiguity and feel we must have an answer, therefore, without complete or factual evidence, we force an answer (AKA fabricate).
- We may fear our assumptions are “wrong,” but cannot even fathom how that could be possible.
Insecurity breeds unravelment. It’s fertile soil for the rot that is unravelment. It’s a fearful dog in the corner that is either going to lash out and bite or leave an unsightly puddle.
Always the problem solver, I’ve identified a couple strategies for dealing with working though this chaotic state and finding a resting place for your mind that allows rational thought to seep in. In that vein…
Here are some coping strategies:
- Find a confidante with a loving, calming presence. Do not skimp on this one! If you are surrounded by toxic people, do not even take the chance. Clergy, a teacher, a therapist and God are all better choices than your unbalanced second step-cousin.
- Realize your unravelment is totally about you. You may think it’s about a certain situation or another person, but your monkey mind is going ape-sh*t while the outside world is taking no notice of the noise inside you. Chances are good that the outside world is enjoying calm waters.
- Do not express your rant, concerns or fears publicly and especially
not on social media. You may get a lot of support or, instead, you may find some friends who have always had questionable judgment and their words may make you feel even worse. Whatever the case, now you’ve created a permanent record and perhaps done permanent damage to your otherwise spotless reputation.
- Know this too shall pass. Life is a series of changing scenes. The objective is to stay calm in the eye of the storm. Someone wise once said a famous quote about this, but I can’t recall who or what it was – so basically that was just useless information.
- Focusing on gratitude and reframing the current situation can be quite helpful. Seek the silver linings. (My dear friend gave me that one).
- Look for how you can proceed by performing the most noble, helpful and valuable role possible.
We all have our moments. Let’s tend those moments before they become days. (click to Tweet).
“In chaos, there is fertility.” ― Anaïs Nin
Wishing your ship finds secure harbor in the storm,
Michelle Andres is a writer and artist who cultivates her own Well Lived Life by drinking in the beauty around her, following her passion, respecting others and doing her best to own her own dookie.
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