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Authenticity, Desires, Ego, finding yourself, getting through life, honoring yourself, Life Path, What We Want, What's Good for Us
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Just because we want it, doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for us.
You may want to read that again.
This point was driven home this week when I had a conversation with a friend. She was wondering how to deal with some “crazy spirited” extended family members. You know the old saying,”You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family?” Sorry, Mom, I don’t mean YOU! Anyhou, convinced large family gatherings would fill her heart, she was wrestling with the idea of her unwieldy and unreliable “attendees.” She dreamt of a large family gathering and, of course, that was the family she had to work with. Just because we want it doesn’t mean it’s good for us. Imagine hosting a family gathering where you issued straight jackets like party favors at the door.
I remember when I worked in corporate. I’d apply for advancement positions. I did it because I wanted it…or sometimes, I just wanted to be the chosen one. Honestly. I just wanted to be selected…competitive much? All the demands that accompanied the position, well, those might not be for me, but I wanted to be the pick of the litter. This addictive desire got me into tight, unhappy spots on more than one occasion. My ego made my bed, then I had to be the one to lie in it! It’s taken some time, but I’m so over it.
What do you want? Is it your ego or inner-child doing the begging – or is it your heart’s desire? How would you know the difference? It’s worth taking some time to think about, me thinks. Sometimes, our best information comes in times of contemplative silence. (click to Tweet)
Funny, but when we don’t get what we want, we feel like we’re giving up something. It can feel like a loss, but perhaps what we’re giving up won’t serve us or help us unfold on our journeys. Sometimes, what feels like a loss, may generously be liberation. (click to Tweet)
Egos and expectations can get in the way, they almost always do. They can be especially detrimental when they make decisions for us in our lives. Perhaps, I should have written more precisely – Ego and expectation can be detrimental when we allow them to make decisions for our lives. They are not the higher part of ourselves. They operate from a place of control and scarcity. Boo for them!
Today, the yoga instructor told us, “Don’t sacrifice your knees for your ego.” Wise words. Push too hard today – limp for a week. (click to Tweet).
I’m not suggesting we tamp down our drive and ambition, or throw cold, wet dirt on the embers of desire…no. Fires are good. Passion creates masterpieces and can be the basis of timeless, priceless, lovely delights in our world. But, when it comes to deciding what you want do you know the WHY behind your desires? Do you understand where those accomplishments will lead? Is that the outcome you want?
Did you think it through?
I’m always in favour of a bit of strategic planning – espeically when it comes to our lives. Yet, in my opinion, the door needs to be kept ajar for life’s unexpected, magical surprises and the road less taken. What the heck, blaze your own path, even. At this blog we embrace creative minds. So, it’s fair to ask the question – How could my pursuits be healthier, more authentic and truer to my heart’s desire? Tell your ego to take a hike and tell the inner-child to “Stop yer whining!” YOU are the one running the show. YOU are the final say. Be still, listen to your heart. It knows the way. (click to Tweet)
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Michelle Andres is a writer and artist. She writes this blog to share tips for a well-lived life and finely run art business…just for you!
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12 Comments
October 17, 2015 at 3:01 pm
Nice post, Michelle. This reminds me of a book I read recently called Big Magic. It’s about our creativity and how just because we love to do art does not mean that we should quit our day jobs and become a starving artist. It’s an interesting idea. You bring up some good points here – sometimes loss is freedom. For me, lately, its been losing my STUFF that is giving me added freedom!
October 17, 2015 at 3:16 pm
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Amy. I’m reading Big Magic, right now, but didn’t find the similarities between the book and this post. Maybe, I’m just not far enough into it. Finding liberation is….well….liberating!
October 18, 2015 at 5:02 pm
I’m going to have to ponder on this one awhile. Brings to mind that old saying, “be careful what you wish for”. My hubby and I had a close call with that just a few days ago. Almost purchased a motorhome…came very close, but at the final moments we ‘listened’ to our hearts and knew it just wasn’t the right one or the right time. It was a good decision. “Think it through” so very important.
October 18, 2015 at 6:41 pm
I’m glad you listened to your heart, Debbie. Yes, sometimes we get pulled off track and aren’t which part of us is making the decision. In times like that, it’s best to step away, slow it down and think it through. Thank you for sharing your experience. ~m
October 26, 2015 at 6:29 am
I agree wholeheartedly here. Loved this post! Sometimes it’s hard getting others to understand the concept though. I think it’s because we have been taught since childhood to keep pushing to make things happen instead of following our heart.
I really appreciated the statement, “the door needs to be kept ajar for life’s unexpected, magical surprises… ”
GREAT POST – all of it!
October 26, 2015 at 3:38 pm
Thanks, Elda! It’s true. Sometimes we get stuck between the pushing and letting stuff go. It’s a hard line to decipher. But, when I listen to the voice, who’s talking, that makes it easier for me. Thank you for your comment.
October 26, 2015 at 2:03 pm
Oh Michelle, this is a wonderfully inspiring post. I am really opening to becoming a more spontaneously real person. And yes, some people or jobs or things may fall away but truthfully there is so much behind that ‘ajar door’ that we couldn’t in our present state even imagine that I’m thrilled about the whole thing. you and Elda have helped me this week deal with letting go of a friend before I was ready. Now, after reading your two posts I realize that the relationship was going a bit co-dependent. Between what you said and Elda said, I remembered that she wanted me to be different than I am and I didn’t want to be what she wanted. Suddenly I feel the excitement of that door ajar. Thank you both!
October 26, 2015 at 3:40 pm
Happy liberation to you, Kimberly!!! Relationships aren’t fruitful if you have to twist yourself to fit into someone else’s box! Congratulations on knowing when to let go! Onward with your open, sweet heart! ~m
December 9, 2015 at 2:22 am
Great post! The point you made about wanting “to be the chosen one. Honestly. I just wanted to be selected…” really hit home. I’ve never heard or read that articulated before, but I immediately recognized that feeling in me from past aspirations I *thought* I had. Bravo for recognizing and pointing that out!
December 9, 2015 at 2:36 am
Thanks so much for saying something, Lisa! That’s why I write – to connect with others in those experiences we share. I would like to do the choosing from here on out…hope you will, too!