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giving too muchMy cup is almost empty. There’s no more wind in my sails. I can only think in trite clichés.

I’ve given pretty much all of it away.

I’d like to think I’m a bottomless-well, serving buckets of goodwill, assistance and cheer to everyone I meet – but it’s a negligent practice that can lead to a parched throat and scowling countenance. Ooops, there goes the cheer.

I’m not that generous. At least not now.

I offer a lot of assistance – I know that about myself. I will generously promote you, tirelessly applaud you, praise you, share with you, give of my time. Don’t feel sorry for me –

Human beings do not repeat behaviours that don’t have a pay-off in it for them. (click to Tweet).

This includes addictions, self-mutilations, giving your time to others, plain ol’ over-committing – there’s always a pay-off. That doesn’t mean it’s psychologically healthy or respects boundaries….even our own. It certainly doesn’t mean it’ll get you where you want to go. It’s like spending time on social media or Netflix marathons. It feels good now…but what did you give for that? Eventually, you’ve got to say, Enough is enough.”

Giving too muchA few things happen when you give too much. Here’s my short list:

  1. You may become resentful
  2. You may set precedents for future behaviour that can turn to soul-sucking habits and expectations
  3. Your own dreams and goals may suffer because you cannot devote ample time to them
  4. You may under-deliver or do sloppy work because…well…eventually your hearts just not that into it – eventually that can reflect on you.
  5. And…drum-roll…..

“When you give too much – you redefine who you are and lose who you were going to become.” (click to Tweet)

So, there are some of the hidden costs, and I’m sure I’ve graciously over-looked many others. Feel free to add to the list (by leaving a comment at the end of the blog).

All being said, I don’t REALLY want to give until I’m an empty, squeaky, rusty ol’ husk that’s grinding to a halt on a dusty, deserted back road. Too dramatic for you? Ah, well. SO, I’m brainstorming ways to get a handle on this and I come across this:

Give too much

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a clean solution. What a smart criteria. Enough of the unconditional love, bullshit. I’m putting parameters on my generosity.   I don’t mean this in the sense of the “what’s in it for me?” approach, but more like, helping friends; knowing who your friends are. Why would you give away something to someone who won’t appreciate it, never reciprocate and would gladly take MORE? Enough is enough.

If I can follow my own advice, continue to focus on gratitude, and honor my own schedule by calendaring time to address #’s 3, 4, and 5…it should be in the bag.

Feel free to jump in on this conversation by leaving your thoughts below.

If it doesn’t put you out to do so.

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Michelle Andres is a writer and artist. She Writer, Artist, Coachwrites this blog to share tips for a well-lived life and finely run art business…just for you!

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